The problem most people have is not how to get what they want, but knowing what they want in the first place. There are a couple other exercises I’ll share for that too, but I found this particularly useful for clarifying my mind, and getting the ball rolling.
Thanks to Craig Kulyk, who recently shared this exercise on his website, creategoodmornings.com and in our conversation, https://www.nicholaspihl.com/craig-kulyk/ (Exercise Originally From Debbie Millman)
It’s quite simple, and I found it fun to do. Basically, you imagine a day in your best possible life 10 years in the future and write out everything about how that day unfolds. The key is in picturing all the details: the people around you, where you are living, how you spend your time, and your priorities.
It works, I think, because it breaks you out of the month-to-month, quarter-to-quarter, year-to-year type of incremental thinking that we often get stuck in. On this scale, we are tethered to the present and to past even when thinking about the future, and so we dwell on practicality (the dream-shrinker) rather than possibility (the dream maker). If you want to see some real potential, you need to imagine them on a timeframe where you can TRANSFORM! This isn’t easy for most people. The first time I went through this exercise, I caught myself a couple times thinking in terms of practicality rather than what I actually want. Odds are, your mind, like mine, is creating artificial limits for itself.
As I’ve done this for 3 or 4 years now, I think my view of the exercise has matured slightly. I’m still a big fan, but I begin to rethink what a great life really looks like. I initially sought a problem free life. But that’s a little bland, isn’t it? Besides, I think we all know that there’s no such thing as a problem-free life.
Instead what I think is valuable is seeking out a life that is rich and fulfilling to you, and to take on a set of challenges and problems that you are uniquely well-suited for. Don’t wish for an easy life. Wish for transformation.
One last thing. Craig mentioned that Debbie recommended reviewing it once a year, because the people who did so often found that their dreams gave rise to reality. They actually achieved their dream.
Here’s what a day in my best life looks like in 10 years:
I wake up without an alarm. I live in a home with big windows and lots of natural light. The house is surrounded by open space, sunlight (not so many clouds), and a water feature. I have a morning routine that sets my day up nicely, with good physical and mental energy.
I stretch, have a glass of water, and enjoy a small spiritual practice. Maybe that’s reading, maybe it’s prayer or meditation, maybe it’s gratitude.
Next, I read for a while (nonfiction by day, fiction by night), and drink coffee.
After that, I go exercise, jogging, or lifting weights. I play hurling once or twice a week. After I work out, I write for about 40 minutes before making breakfast with the kids and getting them to school.
Next, I spend an hour connecting (email, voicemail, texts, whatever technology we’re using in the future).
After that, I check on my practice to make sure everything is going well. I have a small team of rockstars. They run the day-to-day, and are growing the business very nicely. I am free for big picture thinking, reinvention, vision, writing, and even just enjoying life. As a company we focus a lot on the few things that produce big results. We don’t copy other people, for the most part, we don’t do anything because we think we are supposed to. We do things because they matter and produce the outcomes we want. Our best clients are taken very good care of.
The business is well-thought-out and organized. There are no fires to put out because I have structured my life in such a way that minimizes the impact of emergencies and gives those around me the power to solve problems on their own. I do not spend time with emotionally or intellectually needy, pain-in-the-ass-type people. I am free to travel, explore, and spend my time how I want.
I spend very little time on things that do not give me energy or joy.
In afternoons, I meet with clients. I have created systems that automate the clerical side of things (notes, billing, scheduling follow-up appointments). I am in pleasantly high demand, and my time is precious to me and others. I rarely have trouble filling open time-slots, but am content to read, study, meditate, or spend time with my kids when I have openings. I offer value to others in excess of 10x what they pay me, and make great income doing it.
My client meetings are highly personal, and have a quality of counseling to them. This work is supported by rigorous technical expertise from my team and our collaborators, and is high impact. My job is to connect the client’s identity to what needs to be done. I articulate the problem, and the success criteria. My team provides solutions.
I work in a beautiful space, with a pleasant commute. The office is clean and open, full of natural light and vitality.
I am doing work I love, splitting my time between helping people individually and working on my own in privacy. In my solo time I am writing, researching, and thinking. I have a business or practice where I use knowledge and my own personal skills to help people. I spend a lot of time listening, asking questions, and can deliver powerful results for people in a concise way. I have written two books and am working on a third. They are related to my work, are entertaining, and give actionable insight that people can use.
I am home 4 nights a week and prioritize my relationships with my kids. They are happy, curious, self-directed and comfortable with who they are. Perhaps this is because they have a lot of freedom and responsibility for kids their age. I accept them they way they are and help them build on their strengths. I regularly and frequently offer them new experiences and cultivate their interests. I shift my schedule to fit Michelle’s nursing schedule. My days off align with hers, and we routinely pull the kids out of school to take them on educational adventures (the beach, the aquarium, the zoo, skiing, tennis, music lessons, museums, the library, hiking, even showing them what other people do for work…).
I am home 4 out of 7 nights to make dinner with the kids and spend time with them. Of the other three nights, one is for me and Michelle to have time to enjoy each other without work or kids. One is for me to have solitude, so that I can be at my best. And the third is for me to have fun with friends.
I prioritize Michelle and my relationship with her. It is important to me that she is living her best life too.
Financially, we are prosperous. We are surrounded by natural beauty, bought at a great price. We are in a situation where we do not need to work for money, but have a mature understanding of the value of work. Our work is fun for each of us, and provides a sense of growth and purpose.
We use our financial resources very efficiently having grown wealthy through a combination of living simply and keeping our investable net worth high as a percentage of our total assets. In addition, I have refined my investing approach such that I can obtain very good returns, and yet spend minimal time monitoring investments. With rigorous thought, I have devised a largely-automated system that has made us, our friends, and our family a lot of money, without a negative emotional toll.
I love life, and find tremendous joy in helping others. I am improving people’s ability to contribute to the world, and have added tens of millions of dollars in value to the world and have the desire and capacity to 10x that repeatedly throughout my life. I am still growing and engaging with new projects and challenges. I feel strong purpose in my work.
I have rich relationships, and am good at connecting with people. I have a small number of very close friendships, and a good number of buddies. I am comfortable being myself, and revealing my personality to others. Not everyone is a good fit, but I sort through and bond well with the people who matter most to me. I am honest about who I am and who I am not.
Having described what a day in my best life looks like, I feel drawn to what will move me in that direction. Writing, podcasting, coaching, and, eventually speaking are good ways to connect with more people, learn at a rapid pace, and provide value to others. These activities both grow my own capabilities and give me the opportunity to deliver value to others. Along with that, I will just generally continue to work on myself and my understanding of life. Get deeper knowledge and experience, be more open, vulnerable, and honest. Share more delicious food. Have more fun, be personable.
I plan to keep sharing as I learn.