Awesome insights based in an empathetic (but not weak-handed!) approach to solution-finding. Best book I’ve read this year so far. In fact, I’m going to give it the highest honor I can and add it to my list, “Books Worth Owning.” I plan on referring back to it many times in the future.
The book is filled with thrilling, human stories of showdowns between the author, a former-FBI-hostage-negotiator and the likes of kidnappers, terrorists, bank robbers, and Harvard business professors. Each of these episodes is entertaining in its own right, but Chris Voss goes further. He points out key lessons, offers a play-by-play analysis of the psychology at work, and teaches you how to think through negotiations for yourself.
What I especially enjoy is that he doesn’t approach a negotiation by “kicking in the doors, guns blazing,” but from a position of empathy. His weapon of choice is not intimidation, but carefully asking questions that engage the other side emotionally. Often it works by what he calls “mental jiu-jitsu,” where he gets his counterpart to contribute to a desirable solution.
My biggest takeaways:
- Key points: ask how and what questions (how can I do that?)
- mirror back to them what they have said
- get them to say “that’s right!”
- treat the entire interaction as an information-gathering process
- get them to say “no” until you find out what they really want
- decline diplomatically “I’m sorry, you’ve been more than generous but….”
- counter with specific numbers
- offer a range of acceptable prices with your desired number at the low end
- haggle in steps of decreasing size
- gather lots of information up front
- inflect voice downward when making non-negotiable statement
- invite the other side to create solutions for you through questions, get them engaged