The problem I always run into (and you probably do too), is that I try to do too much at once. So I become unfocused, lose productivity, and feel like I’m not actually enjoying anything. Which sucks. And it sucks more because I’m not getting anything done while I’m feeling miserable. It’s a lose-lose.
The problem is that you have too much going on at once. The human brain just can’t handle more than 5 or 6 major obligations. So what’s major? Some are obvious, like planning a wedding, being a parent, or studying for a big test. But others might surprise you. Running a fantasy football team, diving into a new video game, changing your diet, getting in shape, fighting with your partner or friend, or checking social media (maybe this last one isn’t surprising). The thing these all have in common is that they consume mental bandwidth. Even when you aren’t physically doing them, they occupy your brain.
If you’re feeling anxious and unproductive, odds are good that you have a lot more than 5 or 6 things going on in your life. So when I’m feeling that way, I reflect on my last couple days and write down all the things that are jumbling around in my brain, alongside the things I actually spend time on. Usually, for me, there are around 10 or 11. Try this for yourself. Then look at the list. That’s why you’re stressed.
The way out of this is to be very explicit about what your priorities are. This will help you understand that when you dive into one thing, you are tacitly sacrificing something else. Worse, in trying to have it all, you lose both.
Here’s what I recommend. On another sheet of paper, write out what your most important priorities are. These can be your long-term goals, your hobbies, anything that brings you a sense of purpose. It’s basically a bucket-list. You don’t have to limit them to 6 .
Here’s what I have for this section:
Create a thriving business that transforms lives
Grow a sizable podcast audience, and help it grow into an interactive community
Obtain the CFP certification
Become a CFA charterholder
Buy a house
Get married
Raise 2-3 kids, and do a really good job as a parent
Maintain a great relationship with Michelle
Stay in touch with long-term friends
Meet and interview fascinating podcast guests
Help people better manage their money (could be financial planning business opportunity)
Live in Asia for a year
Visit Peru
See Alaska glaciers
Travel twice a year with Michelle
Become financially independent
Give a Ted Talk
Become a master investor
Create program where I invest money and donate the appreciated stock to charity
Create a charity that buys undeveloped land and maintains it as forests and parks
Donate $1M or more to good causes
Write a book that inspires people to create better lives
Create a blog that is read by 10,000 people each month
Live a long and healthy life (both mentally and physically)
Develop at least 2 friendships that last over 40 years
Now that you have that list, imagine what your life would be like if you attempted all of them at once. It would be insane and you would accomplish nothing. Nevertheless, this is the trap that many people (especially young people) fall into. But now consider what you might accomplish if you prioritized 6 of these at a time for the rest of your life. By focusing on a few, achieving them, and then moving on to focus on other ones, you could very reasonably accomplish every item on this list. Some of course, are ongoing, and as life progresses, you’ll probably get caught up in more of these.
Currently, I try to keep my list to 3 stable priorities, 2 growth priorities, and 1 flex priority.
My stable priorities are essential. I do them every day, and plan to do them indefinitely. When my life is focused, these don’t take any active decision making because I do them every day. They are essential to my happiness, and while I can technically sacrifice them temporarily to focus on something else, failing to meet these obligations will introduce problems over time.
These priorities are:
1) Maintain good relationship with Michelle. Spend time with her, give her attention, enjoy her.
2) Write 600 words daily (this used to be “develop my career, not just by showing up at my job, but by putting in the extra hour a day to get really good”)
3) Live healthily: physically, mentally, and spiritually (this is admittedly kind of a variety-pack). Basically, I run with my dog, Penny 3-4 days a week, I cook meals at home, I go to sleep by 9:30, I mediate for 10 minutes each day, I do push-ups, I sprinkle in a kettle bell work-out here and there, I practice gratitude, I stay in touch with friends and family, and I listen to JB’s Morning Coach Podcast.
My growth priorities change every few months. But shouldn’t change more often than that. If they do, I’m spreading myself too thin. These are the hardest ones to stay focused with. When I was studying for the first level of the CFA and starting my podcast, I also tried writing a book. It was too much, and I choose to drop the book for a while. The thing with me (and probably with most people), is that there’s always some exciting new project to get distracted by. Occasionally that new project deserves to bump out an old one, but usually the shiny newness is overrated and it can wait. My current priorities that I’m trying to stay focused on are:
1. Podcast. Sustain rate of 2 podcasts per week. Market them. Find new guests. Edit. etc.
2. Study and master investing. Develop a system I can stick to that will produce excellent long term returns for me, my family, and my friends.
Finally, I have a flex priority. This isn’t anything I adhere to so much as it is a release valve for other distractions. This is to catch all the important but fleeting things that otherwise would distract me from my other goals. It includes planning vacations, signing up for health insurance, going out with friends, hurling tournaments, reading, starting collaborations with friends, side-hustles, thinking, and generally trying new things. Some of these are fun. Most of them actually. But some are just stuff you have to pencil in to your day because you are an adult. It’s an hour or two every day that is better spent on things other than tv.
1. This week, I’m looking at crafting an “affirmation statement” that states my goals in the present tense. I am going to the beach, and I have 3 books I want to read: Think and Grow Rich (Napoleon Hill), The Unworried Brain (Brad Pendergraft), and Made to Stick (Chip Heath & Dan Heath). I also want to play some video games, watch Stranger Things Season 2, and hand out candy with my mom for Halloween.
Finally, it can be easy to see all this as a productivity optimizer. But actually, it’s a happiness optimizer. When I’m juggling too many things, I get frustrated with my lack of progress and get a little anxious. By contrast, focused work leads me to greater satisfaction and improved mental “presence.” So make that bucket list, and know that you can do everything on it, but remember to focus on just 6 things at a time and have patience with yourself.
