While working on my own spiritual healing, one area I’ve struggled with is understanding where my role ends and where God’s role begins. At one time, I thought it was all me, 100%. I thought I had to create my own vision and enact it. This was exhausting because I took on the responsibility of knowing all possible outcomes and doing everything perfectly. Neither of which is possible.
Then I began my spiritual journey. After getting over my reluctance to let go of control, I over-corrected in the opposite direction. I figured God was responsible for 100% of the picture, and that I was merely a passive observer. That didn’t work very well either. I’d sit in my living room, and pray for God to tell me what to do. Not much would happen.
What became clear is that I am not here solely for myself, nor solely to take and fulfill orders. My life is a collaboration, a co-creation. Life is a wonderful dance, full of uncertainty, surprises, and adventure. It all goes together.
I become myself through the world around me. Through working to improve my life, through service to others, through relationships. God is there through all of it.
I cannot know “myself” except in relation to God and others. Yet I have an inner relationship with myself too. Every one of these relationships affects all of the others. I turn to God to help it all work together in harmony.
I am a part of this world, participating in it and participating with it. God’s presence is similar, but in a much larger way, with everything.
Life is for living. As a human, I am finite, and conscious. What a weird combination. I can be dimly aware of the vast interconnectedness of everything, but not know all the consequences of my action. I can’t read the future. I can’t control it either.
Yet I have still have to act and make my way in the world. My role is not to dominate it, or fix it, or even know it fully. My role is far, far more limited than that. My role is to be Nicholas, to be just one small part of the totality. My connection point with the universe is finite, because I am finite. I only know the part part of the universe that is in contact with Nicholas.
Maybe if I were God I could experience the full universe. Be everywhere, all the time. Conscious of every thing, from the perspective of each thing, and yet conscious of the whole as well. But I’m not God. I am only a piece of the puzzle.
As best as I can tell, what God asks of us is a 50/50 partnership. My role is to fully experience my own little piece of the world, yet also derive some humility from the fact that I am only a tiny, finite piece. I am meant to do my best with this little piece, be as good as I can, have the best life I possibly can. And also to seek guidance from the larger whole, seek a relationship between myself and the unlimited, loving universe I dwell in.
What makes a good life? It is not necessarily about me. The way I should judge my life is not from my own limited perspective, which often emphasizes egoic concerns like comfort, money, and status. Instead, I think the best way for me to have a good life is to look at how my own particular piece enhances the larger puzzle. It’s not just about me, but everything around me.