A pattern I have noticed is that I have a tendency to want to fix my life all at once. I want to know what the perfect job would be, the perfect creative projects, the perfect partner, etc. I want to know the perfect path, and I want to know it in advance.
Sometimes I journal for 2-3 hours, straining to imagine how it could all come together to fulfill my own, glorious purpose. The usual result is that I get nowhere, feel frustrated, and realize that I need to get back to basics.
The best answer I’ve come to is realizing that I need to live one day at a time. What work is on my desk to do today?
What else makes for a good day? Not just sitting around drinking beer and watching tv, the way you might after a rough week at work. I mean a good day. A day that you could live over and over, and end up pretty happy with how you’d spent your life. A day that, if you stacked a lot of them together, would make your life better over time.
Two main concepts come to my mind. Simplicity, and balance.
Simplicity means doing more of the things that work, and less of the things that don’t. Simplicity has a lot to do with how I start my day, healthy habits that help the rest of the day go well.
Balance means remembering that life isn’t just about how much you get done in any given day. Life is for living, as well as for doing. Work is one side of the equation, and it needs to be offset with a healthy dose of fun, leisure, and recreation. Balance also says it’s ok for work to be hard and annoying some of the time, but not all of the time. I notice balance most clearly at the end of the day, looking over how I spent my time.
A few simple rules that work for me:
If I exercise in the morning, the rest of the day tends to be good. I’m in a good mood, I have good energy, good focus, and I tend to be nicer and more peaceful with others. Ok. Exercise everyday.
What about eating sugar? Drinking? Or smoking weed? These are all terrible ways to start my day. Not because they aren’t pleasant, but because they absolutely ruin me for the rest of the day. I can’t focus, I feel grouchy. Everything feels hard, annoying, and unsatisfying. Waking up hungover, or unmotivated are good reasons not to drink or smoke weed at night either.
Another good way to start my day is by seeing people. An Al-Anon meeting is a good option, likewise getting coffee with a friend. It energizes me, puts me in a good mood, and helps the rest of the day flow.
Fast forward to the evening. What, when I go to bed at night, helps me feel satisfied with how I have spent my day? I look back and smile at the time I spent with friends. That’s a must. I also feel good about the time I spent reading and learning. I feel good when I’ve played some music, or practiced a new skill. Likewise for having taking care of things around the house and yard.
But if that’s all I’ve done there’s still something missing. Have I helped people? Have I used my talents to benefit others? This could be paid or unpaid, although it helps to know that I earned some money that day to cover expenses. I also need to have written, to feel that I’ve made some progress on my craft and on my projects.
Does all of this stuff have to happen every single day? No. Life can be messy and unpredictable and it’s important to allow for that. The litmus test for me is, “am I having mostly good days?” Any given day can be mostly good, and that’s a win. Likewise, if most of my days are good, that’s a win too. The key word is “mostly.” If you’re freaking out over one bad day, that’s adding a lot of stress and unhappiness to your life. Likewise, if you fixate on the one bad thing that didn’t go the way you want, you’re going out of your way to make yourself unhappy. Which is dumb.
Enjoy your life, aim for mostly good days, and remember the core concepts of simplicity and balance.